Callia Lee Riden

I was just searching the InterWebbie Brand Information Network for.. well, I was ego-searching to be honest.. and I stumbled upon this site and thought, "WOW! Somebody's set up a website about my daughter! Cool, I can get the latest news and info and stories and pictures and.. WAIT A MINUTE! This hasn't been updated in months! HEY, I'm responsible for that site. Oh, carp!"So, yeah.. sorry?

So much has happened. My cute baby has grown into a cute little girl. She's about six or seven months into what we have to assume is the "Terrible Two's." She's started getting all defiant.. testing boundaries.. going out at night, drinking and smoking with her friends. Unacceptable! Where does she learn this behavior?

It's really not that terrible.. Callia is a joy which further reinforces my Parents Are Full Of Carp And Always Have Been Theory.

Remember when your parents exaggerated everything they told you and you saw right thru it and thought they were full of it? Then, sometime in your twenties you realize that your parents had the best intentions.. and maybe YOU were the assjack. Having redeemed yourself and finally become an adult, you shake your head at how immature you were as you continue to eat all of their food and bring your laundry every time you visit.

Then your friends start having kids and you think, "They've lost their minds! Why? How nuts is that?! Not me!" But they tell you how great it is and you secretly think, "No, they're full of it. I've seen what their day to day life is like and that sucks."

At some point, the Pop Rocks and Coke mixtures you ingested decades ago finally gestates and you have kids of your own. (yes, that IS how it happens.. babies come from crappy, over-done pop culture references.) Being a parent means you are around other parents, like it or not. You soon realize that most of these parents are overly concerned with making sure their kids aren't the dumbest, ugliest ones ever to live. They do this by comparing their spawn to yours and by exaggerating everything their kid does.

Little Billy pounds on the keyboard mindlessly? Computer genius!
Pookie cocks an eyebrow at an odd time? Comic genius!
Katie eats something she found in the yard? What a resourceful young naturalist wilderness survival expert!

"I'm not going to be that way," I remember saying. I'll never lie to my kid, either.. I'll tell her the truth about everything and she'll appreciate it. Then Christmas comes and Santa arrives with his bag full of lies. Eventually, the Easter Bunny hops into town just to make sure you don't go six months without confusing a religious event with the contrived commercialism that requires the same card-candy-gift and dinner reservation combo that every other "holiday tradition" consists of. (No, next Easter we're not getting chocolate eggs from a bunny.. it's Lincoln Logs in the sock drawer, just to honor the memory of Bill Hicks.) Guess what? Now you're a parent who's full of crap, too.

That was a long winded way of saying I think other parents have either exaggerated how "terrible" the Twos are.. or their kids were clearly inferior to mine in every single way, especially genetically, intellectually, cosmetically, socially.. oh, wait.. I'm full of crap, too. Especially when I say I'm going to sit down and write more often.

I just uploaded a ton of new pictures the other day.

BTW, Callia is almost two. The birthday is a few days away.. we'll be camping out all weekend to celebrate. If you want to join us, just give me a yell. You don't have to buy her a card-candy-gift.. just call her and talk for a few minutes or come by to see her and spend some time with her.. that's what matters to her now (and ultimately) anyway.

I love it when I sit down to write about a particular subject and end up writing about everything EXCEPT that.

Callia was a flower girl in Jesse Perry & Candice Self's wedding Sunday. It was beautiful, fun and most importantly a SHORT ceremony. There were two 3 year old boys who rang bells, then an older flower girl - maybe 5 or 6? - then Callia and another 2-ish year old. Despite a good rehearsal, the young flower girls were slow to go down the asile. When they stopped, amazed by all the people looking at them, they got applause.

Callia lit up for a second, then started crying and turned around looking for Mommy. I was standing at the end of the asile, video taping.. but I'd all but set the camera down trying to wave her my way. When Laura picked her up and carried her back to her seat, she was screaming for Daddy and I DID set the camera down to go to her. I couldn't help it.

It was a great time and we all had a lot of fun. It was an outdoor thing.. we had a reception right there immediately after the nuptuals. The kids played and ran around, but Callia spent more time on the stage thing dancing to the music.

Later, at a restaurant they rented out for another reception, Callia was a social butterfly, going around talking to everyone and busting moves on the dance floor. She even got to toast the couple when they busted the champagne out.

The bride was thoughtful enough to go get Callia a champagne flute full of water for her to drink. This was really cool.. she didn't drop it or spill any.. she held her glass up high and drank at the appropriate time. She has actually been doing "cheers" for a while - when we fix chocolate milk she'll sometimes say, "cheers?" and want to clink glasses and then drink up. She also does it with popsicles.

Those are some of her passions now. I introduced her to the joys of chocolate milk as a treat for Valentines Day and she's been obsessed ever since. She'd drink it all day and eat only popsicles, if only she could get that fridge door open herself.

I tend to eat a lot of peanuts during the summer.. I keep a bucket of them around the house & on the porch sometimes. Callia puts the whole peanut in her mouth and enjoys the roasted, salted dusty husk. She can bust some of them open herself, but usually hands them to me asking, "open it?"

She likes to sit in the hammock and go for walks and take rides in her wagon. Occasionally, she'll ask to ride her bike - usually after seeing another kid on one. She also gets excited about motorcycles.. calling them bikes, too.

We still go play on the swings and the slide. She's really quick to learn and remember names of kids she meets on the playground. I'll "meet" them and their parents a dozen times before I'll remember them.. but Callia knows 'em and calls them by name.

She loves Dora the Explorer and Teletubbies.. and still loves Star Wars. As an infant, Callia would NOT watch tv. Hated it.. would walk over to the tv and turn it off all the time.

A while back I was watching the original trilogy dvds and she was totally into it.. she was completely sucked in. Empire was the first movie / tv / video she ever watched. She sat with me and I explained what was happening.. told her about Yoda and the Force.. about believing in yourself and trusting your instinct.. she'd softly repeat whatever I'd say, not taking her eyes off the screen. It was great. Laura hated me for it.

She watches tons of kiddie stuff on tv now, but whenever I play the Star Wars films, she still has the same reverence and excitement for 'em. And she goes around randomly talking about Yoda sometimes.. so I know that I've done SOMETHING right.

I'll probably take her to see Revenge Of The Sith once the crowds have died down and people won't be pressing up against me as I file into and out of the theater. We'll probably catch a matinee in two or three weeks so Callia and I can go together in peace and safety so we can watch the Star Wars movie so dark and disturbing that it got a PG-13 rating. Oh, my! See ya there, nerds!